SMS Jokes

b yorself, ther R enough othR people.

Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur smiling who wil it go2 next

Girls R like fonez, we like 2 b held & TLKD to, but if U preS d wrng butN youll b disconnected!

Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem

If it ain't broke, fix it until it is

Y dnt c@s shv? Coz they prefer whiskers!

Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market

Justice: A decision in your favor

Hw do U communic@e with a fish? Drop it a line.

3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds

Today's subliminal message is . . .

Y did the blonde climb a glaS blok? 2 c what wz on d othR side

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!

what r the 3 fastest ways of communication?
a-telephone
b-television
c-tell-a woman

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

mental anxiety, mental breakdowns, menstrual cramps, menopause.did you ever notice how all womans problems begin with MEN!

A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Wht do U cll a h&cuffed man? Trus2rthy.

If you really wanna get stoned, drink wet cement.

Be unique and different, just say yes.

I intend 2 live 4 eva & so faR evrtng goes weL.

I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

How can there be self-help groups?

Those innocent eyes. Those kissable lips. A great smile. The perfect walk. Smoothest talk. Absolutely gorgeous. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Where there's a will, I want to be in it

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

A scientist crossed a skunk with an owl. He's got a bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot.

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

I have the "I".I have the "L".I have the "O".I have the "V".I have the "E"... so pls can I have "U"?

Why are all the dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men will understand them.

How come night falls but day breaks?

Two's company, three's a crowd but what is four and five? Nine.

The thief stole a calendar. He got 12 months.

No guts, no glory, no brain, same story

This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!

Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!!

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert

Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't make much sense until i read it upside down...

If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT?

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts.

Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Two nudists got divorced because they were seeing too much of each other.

A good friend is like a good bra.. hard 2 find- comfortable supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!

How do you make a Swiss roll? Push him off the top of a cliff.

Submit a SMS Joke